Athletics and Recreation

Wii Sports: The Video Game – CHAPTER I

Wii Sports: The Video Game – CHAPTER I


Matt: Alright Ryan, you wanna make me a mii? Ryan: Sure. M: Alright, make me a mii. R: Okay. M: I gotta turn the damn tv down.
R: I’ll do my best. M: Where’s the remote?? M: You really gotta capture the essence of… Matt Watson. M: G- you give me rosy cheeks? R: Yeah, of course. M: Yeah, of course. M: Thats just- I just had to get that outta the way. M: Heh, that’s the first thing you gotta do. M: Hey that-that’s me! M: Those are… yeah- I look sad. *Ryan chuckling* M: Why am I sad? *Silence* M: C’mon Ryan!
*Ryan laughing* M: You gotta use this in the thumbnail. R: Yeah I know! *More silence* M: Ohh.
*Ryan having the time of his life* M: You’re getting a little personal here. R: Ahh, I’m going quick. *…….* *More laughing*
M: *While laughing* God damnit. *More Ryan laughs* r: all lowercase. M: Nooo, that’s one of my biggest pet peeves. R: Why? M: Its when people like, have the- when they type a name or a username and they have the ability to capitalize it but they don’t. R: I don’t do it for my Switch. M: And it bothers me every time I see it, Ryan. R: Why? R: There’s no point in capitalization. M: It’s proper!! R: Who cares, it’s just a name. M: What the- well it’s a proper noun it should be capitalized. R: Says you. I thought you were the one that gave English a bunch of shit. Well, I’m big into capitalization y’know what I’m sayin’? Except for tweets. R: So uh, can I quit and then save?
M: Yep. M: Save & quit. M: Beautiful, there’s me. R: See, hopefully you don’t take a long time. M: Oh I’ll go fast, I’ll go fast. R: *chuckling* Look at you! M: That’s my little mii. R: Look at little ol’ me~ M: Okay, I’m gonna speedrun making you, okay? R: Do you think anyone speedrun this shit before? M: Uh, mii making?
R: Yeah. M: *snickering* What is there to speedrun?? R: *laughing* I don’t know! M: Umm M: Kay.. R: We-we should start like a speedrunning… R: like uh, OJ Simpson. R: Like we should actually like, upload a speedrun, like a legitimate like, take it seriously and speedrun M: Get in the white Bronco and head down uh 5 or where ever he was driving. R: No, make a mii for him R: and speedrun that. M: Oh, oh! I thought you meant speedrun the actual OJ case, and the car chase, and everything. R: Noo M: That’d be fun though.
R: Are those chubby cheeks or are those sunken cheeks. M: Dude, I don’t know what they are. M: This is pretty close right?
R: I look like a grandma. R: Is it ’cause my hair is long now? M: Yeah, your hair is really long. M: Well look at me, I gotta see your eyebrows. M: Well, they don’t have the right hair colour because your hair is in between this colour and this colour. M: Okay whatever i’m just gonna… R: You’re gonna make my hair black? M: Yeah a little bit of reflective light, it looks kinda brown. M: Ok, you got… R: I got some nice eyebrows. R: Make sure to get the uh golf club scar in there. M: Yeah thats… they have that option in the mii maker. M: I’m almost done- *Ryan bursts out laughing* M: Umm R: You’re gonna forget my facial hair?? R: Of all things? M: No, that’s what- that’s what I’m doing right now!
*Ryan still laughing* *cute laugh* M: Well your facial is like, more… this colour. R: Heh, like auburn. M: Yeah like that. *More Ryan laughs* (It just keeps going) (He’s still laughing) M: See Ryan, I’m going to be a proper gentleman and capitalize yours. R: *offended* I capitalized your name! M: Oh thank you! Okay, here ya go Ryan! R: Okay thats good.
M: I’m ready to play, man. R: Let’s do it. M: Let’s do some Wii Sports, Lets get into the… the Wii Sports chronicles. R: Hold on, hold on, hold on. M: Here ya are! R: P-put us together! That’s a good duo. M: Gotta blow the whistle. R: *chuckling* There we are! M: Here, let me zoom in. M: See…pick you up, play around.
*Ryan laughs* M: Alright, let’s- let’s get into the games, baby! R: Let’s do it! Wii Sports! M: BEP- M: Oh, I was about to do the song, but it didn’t start.
R: You were gonna go da da da da da da *MATT SINGING THE WII SPORTS THEME LOUDLY* M: Well Ryan we’re in! This-this is it!
R: Oh wait, I need- I need my r- R: here, here, I got-I got the second player remote. M: There you are-
R: Can’t even see me. M: Yeah you can R: Oh there I am.
M: No, you point it- see that’s where the sensor bar is, it’s in the middle. R: Oh okay.
M: There’s you, there’s me M: What are we gonna start with Ryan? R: Uhhhhh, we can s- M: Wanna go down the list? Start with tennis?
R: Yeah sure, let’s just start with tennis. M: Fuckin’ tennis dude! M: Now whose mii looks more like… y’know the real person. R: I think your mii looks more like you. M: Hmmmmmmmm
*Ryan laughs* M: I don’t know about that
R: I-I don’t know I think you got me down to a T. R: You probably got me exact. M: You’re not down to a T, we’re not playing golf! M: It’s a golf joke.
R: If-If someone could make… me look like my mii in real life and like, send that to me that would be cool. M: It looks like you have Julian’s mustache. M: Oh shit it’s splitscreen, I forgot.
R: Who’s- who’s startin’ off? M: I’m the server so
R: Okay. M: You ready for this?
R: Yeah. M: I forgot how to play Wii Sports! M: I guess you can’t really figure out how to play Wii Sports. R: Nice!
M: ppffftttttt M: As I lose. M: Look at- it’s slow motion rep- Ryan, I wanted to watch the slow motion replay of me losing!! R: Too bad. M: Oh fuck.
R: What are you doin’ dude! R: Are you bad? M: Gimme a second to get my composure here.
R: Come on! R: C’mon, serve the fuckin ball.
M: Okay. M: Okay. M: Oh R: There you go. M: Ok.. *small whooh* *Ryan laughs* M: I’m doin’ something wrong. R: It’s just a silent *whooh* M: I’m doing somethin’ wrong here. M: I need- R: You’re doing something wrong? It’s one control, swing! R: Pfffttt M: We might have to… we might have to adjust the mics and stand up. R: I’m not having a stand up. *whooh* *Ryan laughs*
M: Are you supposed to do backhand and- M: Oh, duh! Ok!!
R: What are ya doing? M: There’s forehand and backhand right? R: Yeah. R: I’m doing- I’m doing the backhand.
M: I’ve only been doing one. R: What have you been doin’? M: I’ve been- I gotta do it in the right- my right side.
R: Are you serving? M: Yeah. M: What the fuck dude! R: Gotcha~ M: That-that’s bullshit, man. M: Okay, I see what i’ve been doing wrong! *Both laughing*
R: I was just waiting for it.
M: God damnit! R: It’s okay!
M: Alright. R: I’ve been practicing all my life, sooo M: Aw man, I used to be so good at- M: Oh just wait until we bowl, Ryan! When we bowl you’re going down. R: I-I know, there’s a secret to the bowling-
M: I know the secret R: I don’t know it, I have no idea what it is. M: Bring it over here, baby! *misses* *Ryan bursts out laughing* R: You’re so bad!! M: It’s cause I don’t have enough room to swing properly. R: Wh-we have the same amount of room! M: You got the whole couch! I got this big fuckin’ microphone in the way- R: You can scoot over!! *Matt scoots over*
R: You fucking ninny.
M: Okay… M: Oh I remember that meter, and you’re on your way to pro. M: I’d get home from school everyday, in middle school and I’d- M: god, I’d- I’d get fuckin high
R: I’m past pro- wait how are you…are you the blue? M: I’m the blue yeah. R: Oh, I thought- I thought that pointing to your name was your bar going straight up past pro. M: Pfftt M: That’s a- as you just saw M: That was a warm-up. Let’s try it again, okay? R: Best of three, okay. R: Skill level zero.
M: You ready for this? R: I’m ready. M: Okay.
R: Are you serving first? M: Ummm R: Yep. M: Yeah baby, i’m servin’. M: Ah ok. *Intense tennis playing* *sound of Matt hitting the microphone*
M: *distant* Fuck I hit the microphone!!
R: Noo! M: I hit the microphone! R: Heh fuck, did it hurt? M: I still got points Ryan~ R: You did cause’ I hit it outta bounds~ M: I gotta fix the mic. *slap* M: Ow stop M: What?? You hit me and it made it serve!
*Ryan laughing* M: *high pitched* What!? R: Damnit! M: Oh yeah that was good cause- R: My big strong arms! M: Gotta stop working out, Ryan. M: It’s really uh, hurting ya. M: Oh sh- M: Fuck.
R: Yes! *huffing* R: I’m gettin’ so fucking into this, Matt. M: Who choyse- who- who choyse…
R: CHOYSE M: Who chose the point system for tennis? It goes 15, 30, 45-and then… R: And then what M: I don’t know… M: Fuck it dude. M: I’m too in the-
R: Fuck it!! M: I’m too in the game right now. M: Oh fuck M: Oh shit!!
R:Yeaaah! M: I shoulda- I shoulda let it go. R: Break point dude. If I get this point R: you’re down in the dumps. M: That’s not true. M: Oh fuuck. R: I should’ve hit it to save the game but… M: Oh man… R: I’m a cunt when it comes to- M: You’re not a cunt, Ryan. R: Aww
M: You’re not a cunt, okay. M: We’re gonna do this again,
R: Okay. M: and i’m gonna win. M: Let me win this time. Please? R: Yeah M: What the fuck!! That’s not! R: What do mean it’s not? M: What- I-I hit the- M: There’s no strategy to this!! I just hit the ball! R: There is strategy,
M: It’s not like real tennis! R: direction and momentum. M: There’s no direction! It doesn’t change- M: *angry babbling*
R: What do you mean theres no direction!? M: I can’t aim while i’m hitting the ball! R: Yeah you can! M: How?? R: You do the *WHOOSH* goes to the right, *WHOOSH* goes to the left. M: Yeah, but I can’t hit it to the left if it’s on my right side. M: See, ready? Swing to the right, on the right. M: Are you fucking kidding me!?
*Ryan laughing* M: No! It’s not even fair!! R: What do you mean it’s not even fair?? M: Bullshit.
R: Are you saying i’m just getting lucky this whole time? M: I think you are, Ryan. M: I think you’re getting lucky here. Both: Oh M: *sensually* Mmmm M: Looks like someone needs to practice. *Ryan laughs* R: Suck my nuts dude.
M: WHAT *Incoherent anger* M: Oh man this is… infuriating. M: Look at- look at all the guys, they are so happy a- R: That’s us. M: Just gotta rub it in my face in these big fuckin’, bowling alley letters… R: Well, there we are. M: Well uh, that’s great. M: That’s great… R: D-do you want one more round to s- M: Yes R: Oh okay. M: I do want one more round, let’s do M: Hold on! M: I just remembered there was a uh… M: There- there was a-a cheat M: you could do. M: Where if you hold… M: minus or plus right now… M: It changes the loca- no it didn’t do it. M: Or maybe it will, hold on. Let’s do one more R: Okay M: Hold on- no, it didn’t do it! M: There’s like a- there’s like a cheat where if you hold down minus M: when you’re uhh…
R: Do you wanna look it up? M: When you’re… yeah. M: Imma show you a little cheat code here. R: Okay *Typing sound effects*
M: I’m entering the cheat code as we speak. R: *gasp* M: Here we g- OH
R: OH M: What do you see now? R: IT’S BLUE IT’S BLUE R: Ready? M: As you said, I’ll get the front. R: Shh, It’s okay.
M: We’re playing against Steve Harvey. *Ryan chuckles* M: And a cute Japanese girl.
R: No we’re playing against that- what’s that general that’s always on Fox news? R: Not the general, sorry the-the like, M: Go to the general, save some time. R: No, it’s this guy, he… he always wears like a bunch of medals… and he’s super against Black Lives Matter and stuff… M: I have no idea.
R: Whats his name… R: Colonel I don’t know what his name is.
M: Colonel Sanders? R: He looks funny though, he looks just like that guy. M: Colonel Sanders is super anti Black Lives Matter. M: Alright R: I got this one, dude. M: A- I’m lettin’ you- M: I didn’t let us down.
R: Dude nice! M: I didn’t let us down!! R: See, I think when we work together brings out the best in me. M: I think it does too, Ryan. I think it does too. M: Also, Wii Sports has impeccable graphics. M: I fucked us up.
R: Matt… M: I’m sorry.
R: Matt. M: I fucked us both in the ass. R: Phew…
M: Hypothetically not… M: …literally. M: Not gonna get it. R: There you go. R: Get it. R: Oh. Pffft M: Was that technically my fault ’cause I could’ve got it? R: Uuuuuuhhhhhh R: It’s the fault of the person who hit it out of bounds. M: Damn!
R: Out of the boundss M: Did you see that focus?? R: Try to get that! M: Got it~
R: Nice! M: Fucked him! R: Oh he had no fuckin’- we’re tied! We gotta win this, Matt. M: Okay, okay, okay. M: I might need to have to stand up for this one. M: I’m standing up, Ryan!
R: Stand up, stand up! R: You got it! R: You got it dude, i’m gonna make this an impeccable serve. R: See- uuh, yeah. M: *distant* Why am I dizzy, i’m so lightheaded. R: Because you stood up too quickly! R: Good job. M: *distant WHOO*
R: *chuckles* R: We’re about to win! M: Uh, I dunno Ryan! We’ll see! R: We’re about to fucking win. M: Kick these minorities asses! R: Whoaa…..
M: No- it’s uh… R: What? M: It doesn’t have to do with them being minorities, I just… M: …play the game. R: C’mon Steve Shaul Harvey! M: Steve Harvey! M: Oop! R: I made up a middle name for him for s-no reason.
M: That’s not Steve Harvey- don’t get it, don’t get it! M: Mm okay, nevermind. M: Nice!
R: Got eeeeeeem. M: You did it!
R: LeBron Jamesssss~ M: I really carried our… our weight in that one. G-g- uh. M: Good job me. R: Ooh.
M: Oh shit there’s more! R: ‘Cause it’s best two outta three! M: I gotta stand up again. R: They’re serving though! R: You got this, Matt! R: Don’t let us down. M: I’m not gonna let us down, Ryan. Don’t worry! R: Good job. M: SEE THAT? *Ryan starts laughing*
R: You got em’ dude! M: WHOOO! *Ryan laughs*
M: Yeah baby, yeah baby~ M: Mmmm M: I really like-
R: Have you ever- have you actually tried to play real tennis? M: Yeah I used to play tennis. R: It’s hard as shit. R: Why am I in the back now? R: Because, that’s the way the cookie crumbles. M: No it’s not, Bruce Almighty! *Ryan giggles* M: FUck yeah!! Fuck you! R: The green screen in that movie does not hold up. R: Suck these nuts!! M: Don’t say that, that’s a woman. M: You’re in the presence of a lady. M: Have a little respect, please. R: Dude… R: I’m gonna use- M: YOU SEE ME DOING THIS SHIT DUDE??? R: that.. that was- that was epic as shit. M: Thanks bro.
R: Did we just win?? M: Yeah! M: That was two outta three! R: Look- look at that! We’re so good at this game *LOUD CLAPPING* M: Yeaaaah!
R: We’re the best I’ve ever been. M: Look at that, Ryan! R: Where am I?? Am I in the background?
M: We win. M: You’re in the background.
R: I did all the work. *Ryan laughs*
M: Your face- your face looks ridiculous. R: There I- look how happy I am! M: We’re on our way to pro! M: I look worried. *Ryan laughing* *Ryan still laughing*
M: I look like I don’t wanna be on my way to pro. M: God, this is not what I want with my life… M: Well uh, M: In the next- in the next episode, what- what are we gonna play? Let me go uh… M: Let me go see. R: I don’t know Matt, but I’ll give ya a hint!


Reader Comments

  1. Came back to rewatch this comedic goldmine and just noticed he set Ryan's birthday to 10/27. Is that his actual birthday? Because if so that's hella cool because its also my birthday

  2. I played this with my friend and he beat the shit out of me with baseball and i did the same with bowling and it was fun times

  3. matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt matt

    Hope that made you upset

  4. I like how ryan seemed pretty chill with the cursor. Then it cuts to matt and it looks like hes got Parkinson's while jes making Ryan's mii

  5. the mii looks a little bit like spenny from kenny vs spenny

    edit: i take that back a child from both of these would look like spenny

  6. at the end when ryan said “I don’t know matt but I’ll give you a hint” I instantly got a pregnancy ad 😂😂

  7. Its so hard matching your names to your voices. I saw you guys on the grumps channel and matt looks like a ryan and ryan looks like a matt so i get the names swapped and then your voices are almost similar and I cant even comprehend some jokes cuz im too focused on trying to figure out who the hell said it

  8. I know it's an old series but the way a ball goes depends on when you hit it not how you hit it, i.e For right handers if you hit it while the ball is in front of you it'll hit it really sharply to the left but it you wait for the ball to basically be touching the mii body it'll go right instead.

  9. In the age of censorship I really do appreciate the subtle edginess these guys and Jontron bring to the table. A sneaky little 9/11 joke. Bennisimo

  10. Matt’s birthday reminded me of the awesomo episode of South Park because butter’s birthday is 9/11

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