Matt: Alright Ryan, you wanna make me a mii? Ryan: Sure. M: Alright, make me a mii. R: Okay. M: I gotta turn the damn tv down.
R: I’ll do my best. M: Where’s the remote?? M: You really gotta capture the essence of… Matt Watson. M: G- you give me rosy cheeks? R: Yeah, of course. M: Yeah, of course. M: Thats just- I just had to get that outta the way. M: Heh, that’s the first thing you gotta do. M: Hey that-that’s me! M: Those are… yeah- I look sad. *Ryan chuckling* M: Why am I sad? *Silence* M: C’mon Ryan!
*Ryan laughing* M: You gotta use this in the thumbnail. R: Yeah I know! *More silence* M: Ohh.
*Ryan having the time of his life* M: You’re getting a little personal here. R: Ahh, I’m going quick. *…….* *More laughing*
M: *While laughing* God damnit. *More Ryan laughs* r: all lowercase. M: Nooo, that’s one of my biggest pet peeves. R: Why? M: Its when people like, have the- when they type a name or a username and they have the ability to capitalize it but they don’t. R: I don’t do it for my Switch. M: And it bothers me every time I see it, Ryan. R: Why? R: There’s no point in capitalization. M: It’s proper!! R: Who cares, it’s just a name. M: What the- well it’s a proper noun it should be capitalized. R: Says you. I thought you were the one that gave English a bunch of shit. Well, I’m big into capitalization y’know what I’m sayin’? Except for tweets. R: So uh, can I quit and then save?
M: Yep. M: Save & quit. M: Beautiful, there’s me. R: See, hopefully you don’t take a long time. M: Oh I’ll go fast, I’ll go fast. R: *chuckling* Look at you! M: That’s my little mii. R: Look at little ol’ me~ M: Okay, I’m gonna speedrun making you, okay? R: Do you think anyone speedrun this shit before? M: Uh, mii making?
R: Yeah. M: *snickering* What is there to speedrun?? R: *laughing* I don’t know! M: Umm M: Kay.. R: We-we should start like a speedrunning… R: like uh, OJ Simpson. R: Like we should actually like, upload a speedrun, like a legitimate like, take it seriously and speedrun M: Get in the white Bronco and head down uh 5 or where ever he was driving. R: No, make a mii for him R: and speedrun that. M: Oh, oh! I thought you meant speedrun the actual OJ case, and the car chase, and everything. R: Noo M: That’d be fun though.
R: Are those chubby cheeks or are those sunken cheeks. M: Dude, I don’t know what they are. M: This is pretty close right?
R: I look like a grandma. R: Is it ’cause my hair is long now? M: Yeah, your hair is really long. M: Well look at me, I gotta see your eyebrows. M: Well, they don’t have the right hair colour because your hair is in between this colour and this colour. M: Okay whatever i’m just gonna… R: You’re gonna make my hair black? M: Yeah a little bit of reflective light, it looks kinda brown. M: Ok, you got… R: I got some nice eyebrows. R: Make sure to get the uh golf club scar in there. M: Yeah thats… they have that option in the mii maker. M: I’m almost done- *Ryan bursts out laughing* M: Umm R: You’re gonna forget my facial hair?? R: Of all things? M: No, that’s what- that’s what I’m doing right now!
*Ryan still laughing* *cute laugh* M: Well your facial is like, more… this colour. R: Heh, like auburn. M: Yeah like that. *More Ryan laughs* (It just keeps going) (He’s still laughing) M: See Ryan, I’m going to be a proper gentleman and capitalize yours. R: *offended* I capitalized your name! M: Oh thank you! Okay, here ya go Ryan! R: Okay thats good.
M: I’m ready to play, man. R: Let’s do it. M: Let’s do some Wii Sports, Lets get into the… the Wii Sports chronicles. R: Hold on, hold on, hold on. M: Here ya are! R: P-put us together! That’s a good duo. M: Gotta blow the whistle. R: *chuckling* There we are! M: Here, let me zoom in. M: See…pick you up, play around.
*Ryan laughs* M: Alright, let’s- let’s get into the games, baby! R: Let’s do it! Wii Sports! M: BEP- M: Oh, I was about to do the song, but it didn’t start.
R: You were gonna go da da da da da da *MATT SINGING THE WII SPORTS THEME LOUDLY* M: Well Ryan we’re in! This-this is it!
R: Oh wait, I need- I need my r- R: here, here, I got-I got the second player remote. M: There you are-
R: Can’t even see me. M: Yeah you can R: Oh there I am.
M: No, you point it- see that’s where the sensor bar is, it’s in the middle. R: Oh okay.
M: There’s you, there’s me M: What are we gonna start with Ryan? R: Uhhhhh, we can s- M: Wanna go down the list? Start with tennis?
R: Yeah sure, let’s just start with tennis. M: Fuckin’ tennis dude! M: Now whose mii looks more like… y’know the real person. R: I think your mii looks more like you. M: Hmmmmmmmm
*Ryan laughs* M: I don’t know about that
R: I-I don’t know I think you got me down to a T. R: You probably got me exact. M: You’re not down to a T, we’re not playing golf! M: It’s a golf joke.
R: If-If someone could make… me look like my mii in real life and like, send that to me that would be cool. M: It looks like you have Julian’s mustache. M: Oh shit it’s splitscreen, I forgot.
R: Who’s- who’s startin’ off? M: I’m the server so
R: Okay. M: You ready for this?
R: Yeah. M: I forgot how to play Wii Sports! M: I guess you can’t really figure out how to play Wii Sports. R: Nice!
M: ppffftttttt M: As I lose. M: Look at- it’s slow motion rep- Ryan, I wanted to watch the slow motion replay of me losing!! R: Too bad. M: Oh fuck.
R: What are you doin’ dude! R: Are you bad? M: Gimme a second to get my composure here.
R: Come on! R: C’mon, serve the fuckin ball.
M: Okay. M: Okay. M: Oh R: There you go. M: Ok.. *small whooh* *Ryan laughs* M: I’m doin’ something wrong. R: It’s just a silent *whooh* M: I’m doing somethin’ wrong here. M: I need- R: You’re doing something wrong? It’s one control, swing! R: Pfffttt M: We might have to… we might have to adjust the mics and stand up. R: I’m not having a stand up. *whooh* *Ryan laughs*
M: Are you supposed to do backhand and- M: Oh, duh! Ok!!
R: What are ya doing? M: There’s forehand and backhand right? R: Yeah. R: I’m doing- I’m doing the backhand.
M: I’ve only been doing one. R: What have you been doin’? M: I’ve been- I gotta do it in the right- my right side.
R: Are you serving? M: Yeah. M: What the fuck dude! R: Gotcha~ M: That-that’s bullshit, man. M: Okay, I see what i’ve been doing wrong! *Both laughing*
R: I was just waiting for it.
M: God damnit! R: It’s okay!
M: Alright. R: I’ve been practicing all my life, sooo M: Aw man, I used to be so good at- M: Oh just wait until we bowl, Ryan! When we bowl you’re going down. R: I-I know, there’s a secret to the bowling-
M: I know the secret R: I don’t know it, I have no idea what it is. M: Bring it over here, baby! *misses* *Ryan bursts out laughing* R: You’re so bad!! M: It’s cause I don’t have enough room to swing properly. R: Wh-we have the same amount of room! M: You got the whole couch! I got this big fuckin’ microphone in the way- R: You can scoot over!! *Matt scoots over*
R: You fucking ninny.
M: Okay… M: Oh I remember that meter, and you’re on your way to pro. M: I’d get home from school everyday, in middle school and I’d- M: god, I’d- I’d get fuckin high
R: I’m past pro- wait how are you…are you the blue? M: I’m the blue yeah. R: Oh, I thought- I thought that pointing to your name was your bar going straight up past pro. M: Pfftt M: That’s a- as you just saw M: That was a warm-up. Let’s try it again, okay? R: Best of three, okay. R: Skill level zero.
M: You ready for this? R: I’m ready. M: Okay.
R: Are you serving first? M: Ummm R: Yep. M: Yeah baby, i’m servin’. M: Ah ok. *Intense tennis playing* *sound of Matt hitting the microphone*
M: *distant* Fuck I hit the microphone!!
R: Noo! M: I hit the microphone! R: Heh fuck, did it hurt? M: I still got points Ryan~ R: You did cause’ I hit it outta bounds~ M: I gotta fix the mic. *slap* M: Ow stop M: What?? You hit me and it made it serve!
*Ryan laughing* M: *high pitched* What!? R: Damnit! M: Oh yeah that was good cause- R: My big strong arms! M: Gotta stop working out, Ryan. M: It’s really uh, hurting ya. M: Oh sh- M: Fuck.
R: Yes! *huffing* R: I’m gettin’ so fucking into this, Matt. M: Who choyse- who- who choyse…
R: CHOYSE M: Who chose the point system for tennis? It goes 15, 30, 45-and then… R: And then what M: I don’t know… M: Fuck it dude. M: I’m too in the-
R: Fuck it!! M: I’m too in the game right now. M: Oh fuck M: Oh shit!!
R:Yeaaah! M: I shoulda- I shoulda let it go. R: Break point dude. If I get this point R: you’re down in the dumps. M: That’s not true. M: Oh fuuck. R: I should’ve hit it to save the game but… M: Oh man… R: I’m a cunt when it comes to- M: You’re not a cunt, Ryan. R: Aww
M: You’re not a cunt, okay. M: We’re gonna do this again,
R: Okay. M: and i’m gonna win. M: Let me win this time. Please? R: Yeah M: What the fuck!! That’s not! R: What do mean it’s not? M: What- I-I hit the- M: There’s no strategy to this!! I just hit the ball! R: There is strategy,
M: It’s not like real tennis! R: direction and momentum. M: There’s no direction! It doesn’t change- M: *angry babbling*
R: What do you mean theres no direction!? M: I can’t aim while i’m hitting the ball! R: Yeah you can! M: How?? R: You do the *WHOOSH* goes to the right, *WHOOSH* goes to the left. M: Yeah, but I can’t hit it to the left if it’s on my right side. M: See, ready? Swing to the right, on the right. M: Are you fucking kidding me!?
*Ryan laughing* M: No! It’s not even fair!! R: What do you mean it’s not even fair?? M: Bullshit.
R: Are you saying i’m just getting lucky this whole time? M: I think you are, Ryan. M: I think you’re getting lucky here. Both: Oh M: *sensually* Mmmm M: Looks like someone needs to practice. *Ryan laughs* R: Suck my nuts dude.
M: WHAT *Incoherent anger* M: Oh man this is… infuriating. M: Look at- look at all the guys, they are so happy a- R: That’s us. M: Just gotta rub it in my face in these big fuckin’, bowling alley letters… R: Well, there we are. M: Well uh, that’s great. M: That’s great… R: D-do you want one more round to s- M: Yes R: Oh okay. M: I do want one more round, let’s do M: Hold on! M: I just remembered there was a uh… M: There- there was a-a cheat M: you could do. M: Where if you hold… M: minus or plus right now… M: It changes the loca- no it didn’t do it. M: Or maybe it will, hold on. Let’s do one more R: Okay M: Hold on- no, it didn’t do it! M: There’s like a- there’s like a cheat where if you hold down minus M: when you’re uhh…
R: Do you wanna look it up? M: When you’re… yeah. M: Imma show you a little cheat code here. R: Okay *Typing sound effects*
M: I’m entering the cheat code as we speak. R: *gasp* M: Here we g- OH
R: OH M: What do you see now? R: IT’S BLUE IT’S BLUE R: Ready? M: As you said, I’ll get the front. R: Shh, It’s okay.
M: We’re playing against Steve Harvey. *Ryan chuckles* M: And a cute Japanese girl.
R: No we’re playing against that- what’s that general that’s always on Fox news? R: Not the general, sorry the-the like, M: Go to the general, save some time. R: No, it’s this guy, he… he always wears like a bunch of medals… and he’s super against Black Lives Matter and stuff… M: I have no idea.
R: Whats his name… R: Colonel I don’t know what his name is.
M: Colonel Sanders? R: He looks funny though, he looks just like that guy. M: Colonel Sanders is super anti Black Lives Matter. M: Alright R: I got this one, dude. M: A- I’m lettin’ you- M: I didn’t let us down.
R: Dude nice! M: I didn’t let us down!! R: See, I think when we work together brings out the best in me. M: I think it does too, Ryan. I think it does too. M: Also, Wii Sports has impeccable graphics. M: I fucked us up.
R: Matt… M: I’m sorry.
R: Matt. M: I fucked us both in the ass. R: Phew…
M: Hypothetically not… M: …literally. M: Not gonna get it. R: There you go. R: Get it. R: Oh. Pffft M: Was that technically my fault ’cause I could’ve got it? R: Uuuuuuhhhhhh R: It’s the fault of the person who hit it out of bounds. M: Damn!
R: Out of the boundss M: Did you see that focus?? R: Try to get that! M: Got it~
R: Nice! M: Fucked him! R: Oh he had no fuckin’- we’re tied! We gotta win this, Matt. M: Okay, okay, okay. M: I might need to have to stand up for this one. M: I’m standing up, Ryan!
R: Stand up, stand up! R: You got it! R: You got it dude, i’m gonna make this an impeccable serve. R: See- uuh, yeah. M: *distant* Why am I dizzy, i’m so lightheaded. R: Because you stood up too quickly! R: Good job. M: *distant WHOO*
R: *chuckles* R: We’re about to win! M: Uh, I dunno Ryan! We’ll see! R: We’re about to fucking win. M: Kick these minorities asses! R: Whoaa…..
M: No- it’s uh… R: What? M: It doesn’t have to do with them being minorities, I just… M: …play the game. R: C’mon Steve Shaul Harvey! M: Steve Harvey! M: Oop! R: I made up a middle name for him for s-no reason.
M: That’s not Steve Harvey- don’t get it, don’t get it! M: Mm okay, nevermind. M: Nice!
R: Got eeeeeeem. M: You did it!
R: LeBron Jamesssss~ M: I really carried our… our weight in that one. G-g- uh. M: Good job me. R: Ooh.
M: Oh shit there’s more! R: ‘Cause it’s best two outta three! M: I gotta stand up again. R: They’re serving though! R: You got this, Matt! R: Don’t let us down. M: I’m not gonna let us down, Ryan. Don’t worry! R: Good job. M: SEE THAT? *Ryan starts laughing*
R: You got em’ dude! M: WHOOO! *Ryan laughs*
M: Yeah baby, yeah baby~ M: Mmmm M: I really like-
R: Have you ever- have you actually tried to play real tennis? M: Yeah I used to play tennis. R: It’s hard as shit. R: Why am I in the back now? R: Because, that’s the way the cookie crumbles. M: No it’s not, Bruce Almighty! *Ryan giggles* M: FUck yeah!! Fuck you! R: The green screen in that movie does not hold up. R: Suck these nuts!! M: Don’t say that, that’s a woman. M: You’re in the presence of a lady. M: Have a little respect, please. R: Dude… R: I’m gonna use- M: YOU SEE ME DOING THIS SHIT DUDE??? R: that.. that was- that was epic as shit. M: Thanks bro.
R: Did we just win?? M: Yeah! M: That was two outta three! R: Look- look at that! We’re so good at this game *LOUD CLAPPING* M: Yeaaaah!
R: We’re the best I’ve ever been. M: Look at that, Ryan! R: Where am I?? Am I in the background?
M: We win. M: You’re in the background.
R: I did all the work. *Ryan laughs*
M: Your face- your face looks ridiculous. R: There I- look how happy I am! M: We’re on our way to pro! M: I look worried. *Ryan laughing* *Ryan still laughing*
M: I look like I don’t wanna be on my way to pro. M: God, this is not what I want with my life… M: Well uh, M: In the next- in the next episode, what- what are we gonna play? Let me go uh… M: Let me go see. R: I don’t know Matt, but I’ll give ya a hint!