Mom! Mom hurry up it’s football sign ups and we’re gonna be late. Uh no sir! You are not playing football this year. But mom! Everyone’s playing this year! Even Ole Miss! I am not sitting in gameday traffic to watch Missouri score 38 on you again! But mom they had Drew Lock! Absolutely not! And that is final! I hate you! But mom! We already tore up the artificial turf and you know how natural grass brings out my fast twitch muscles! I’m running away! I’m moving to a conference that actually appreciates me! That’s nice. And you’ll be so sorry when you try to call the hogs and they don’t come because we’ll be in the Pac 12! Goodbye! Pac 12? Have fun not making the playoff. Stupid SEC playoff odds. Stupid East coast bias. Ok ok! What if.. we go back to the vintage Darren McFadden era jerseys and I promise not play any Power 5 teams out of conference. I just don’t know. Do you remember how sad you were about losing to North Texas last year? *uncontrollable sobbing* Do you want a jello cup? Ye… Yes thank you Why don’t you just focus on those other sports? Track and field? Golf? Baseball! Remember how much fun you had in Omaha? Yeah…but it’s just not the same. You just had your first 10 loss season in school history I just don’t think football is the right sport for you anymore. I mean… Ok. If quitting when you’re down is the lesson you want me to take from all this. But remember the John L. Smith season? I wanted to quit after that and you said no. Things will get better. And then we hired Belima and things didn’t get super better. But we’re a revenue generating sport so… I kinda gotta play. Fine. I think they’re hugging. Does that mean he’s playing? I think he’s in. Automatic conference win, boys. Bump it.